


Falling Apart

by southoffebruary



Category: Farscape
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-18
Updated: 2013-12-18
Packaged: 2018-01-05 01:45:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1088138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/southoffebruary/pseuds/southoffebruary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was at the beginning of their dance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling Apart

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published August 2007. Post episode: Set in between Dog With Two Bones and Crichton Kicks.

A small swoosh cut through the air as the coin was tossed upwards and he watched it with anxious eyes. Heads or tails? Stay or go? He willed time to stand still, willed the coin to stay suspended, just spinning. It never did. The result was always the same - she left, never stayed, couldn’t stay. 

“Aeryn is with child.”

John groaned and rubbed his eyes. 1812 was nudging his foot repeatedly, trying to get his attention. He’d fallen asleep again - and dreamt of Aeryn as always. There wasn’t much else he could do while he was on board Elack. Sleep, figure out wormholes, wait for Moya, sleep some more, dream of Aeryn – always Aeryn – and half the time he didn’t need to be asleep to do so.

If Harvey had found Noranti’s subliminal message sooner he could’ve stopped her, he could’ve – no, would’ve – made her stay.

“Aeryn is with child.”

The voice in his ear haunted him as much as the sight of Aeryn disappearing off into space.

If only he had known about the baby. His baby. The other Crichton’s baby. Perhaps not a Crichton at all. 

He should have used a two headed coin.

~*~*~

“Do you love John Crichton?”

Time slowed as he closed the gap between them. He prayed that she would stay, wished as hard as he could – despite knowing wishes and prayers were futile. No one was listening out in the uncharted territories, hell, she wasn’t even listening to him. She just told him that he tasted like yesterday and continued packing her prowler.

“Do you love Aeryn Sun?”

A tear rolled down one cheek, and he wanted to tell her she had no right to cry. She was the one breaking his heart, she was the one leaving him behind – again.

John shook the daydream from his head and dipped his brush in his ink pot.

He had to get a grip, had to focus on wormholes, not Aeryn, just wormholes. But he knew it was impossible. Not when he was stuck on a dying leviathan reliving that one moment over and over like a nightmare.

Even his self-brewed wine wasn’t enough to drown her out and sometimes it only made things worse. At times her voice called for him along the corridors – softly, barely above a whisper. And usually half drunk, he would chase the sound, hoping that she had returned.

But each time he failed to find her, he felt his heart growing weak. He felt like she would never return, that fate was truly trying to keep them apart this time. He would stumble his way to Elacks observation deck and scream her name at the stars. As if he screamed loud enough, his voice would travel across the universe and find her.

Screw fate, he should’ve frelled with her prowler so she had to stay. 

~*~*~

“You once said it was as if the fates meant for us to be together.”

It was fate. It was always going to be fate. And he would believe it as long as he lived. But he couldn’t let her leave this time, he couldn’t leave it up to fate to bring them back together. She was simply running and running wasn’t going to solve either of their problems.

“Running away is not fate, Aeryn. Running away is running away.”

John knew now that she was just afraid. Three lonely months on Elack had given him the time to get the clarity he needed. What he was asking of her – Aeryn had already done that dance with the other Crichton. But he, he was stuck in time, back before she had left him. 

He was at the beginning of their dance.


End file.
